i wondered why i face more disappointments as i get older, and then i was unexpectedly enlightened - because you have more expectations as you grow up. and i don't deny that i find myself unconsciously harbouring high expectations that are easy to fall short of.

it's a different kind of disappointment. not the kind of sinking feeling when you score lower than average in school. instead, it's more of a literal heartbreak and a momentary dissipation of zeal. the wave that hits you more because what hurts is precisely the essence of life. that's when i realised that it was starting to sound like i was walking down their path.

mummy says i don't have to be big to do big things.

daddy says i don't have to be beautiful to write a beautiful song.

i've realised that though you're responsible for the living of your life, please live it well, cos there is that circle of close ones that you influence. in short, you're selfish if you only think about yourself. think about the advertisements at the bus stops: who really suffers when you go to jail? i remember when i once let a close friend down. "My heart broke at our last meeting." i know, i understand now.

i will probably never get it,

but it has definitely gotten me.

*

on a totally unrelated note, i really just want to eat and eat and eat. please take me out on a food tour. i don't want to shop, i don't want to watch movies, (i still want to sleep) i don't want to watch tv, i just want to eat. i sound like a bona fide pig, but that doesn't bother me, cos i really wanna eat.

ala bon jovi, have a nice day.